Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Hannah Montana 3D Concert Movie Review

I have to say that I felt like I was at a concert, neck craned to see the performer, screaming pre teen and teen girls behind me drowning out the sound from the stage, and an opening act that really needed to wear some pants that were a little less tight. Really, do I need to see 15 and 16 year old boys wearing skin tight pants right at my eye level? I'm talking about the Jonas Brothers and while I'm not old enough to be their mother, I could be their much older sister and so I felt vaguely wrong getting a three story 3D view of three boys and their super snug slacks. Plus, one was dressed as a prep from 1980's teen flicks, one was a rock star, and the other a cowboy. What no police man or Indian chief? Talk about disappointment, the Jonas Brothers need three more guys dressed as stereotypical music or American figures because that would have been quite amusing and made my day.

Remember years ago when movies were 3D or 3D glasses came with a movie and they were those cheap flimsy paper glasses that never seemed to sit on your face correctly. Well, Disney and AMC spent the big bucks on the 3D glasses. They were actual plastic glasses that were sturdier than sunglasses. Of course I am glad that we were provided with nicely made glasses because I have never in my life paid so much for a movie that was an hour and a half.

We were lucky to get the tickets. What tickets you might be asking yourself and what show? What could be so prized and rare that my daughter was worried for the past two weeks about tickets selling out? The answer is Hannah Montana. Hannah/Miley Cyrus has a 3D concert at the movie theaters right now for one week only (extended for one more week due to exciting ticket sales). The movie is for those who could not get tickets to Hannah/Miley's concerts - those babies sold out in a minute. Yikes!

Of course my family and I were not able to get tickets to the actual live concert and I was not about to pay a scalper a couple of hundred or even thousands to see a show. No show is worth that much. Though we did pay 18$ a person to see this wonder of wonders plus sodas, candy, and popcorn. I think that night ran us 100$ for two adults and two ten year olds. Now do not get me wrong the movie was not horrible but neither is it something that I would see again. Maybe if I was a 6, 9, or 14 year old. Hannah/Miley's age range and appeal runs the gamut from 3 years old to 16 years old. I had thought that her fans would drop her as soon as they hit junior high but the girls at the movie and the fans on screen at the concert would contradict that belief. In fact, she seems to have a pretty broad fan base that has expanded outside of the Disney crowd. Hopefully with Miley's Dad and his music business experience, Miley is coming out on top with royalties, rights, and merchandise.

The hour and a half show consisted of Hannah/Miley performing songs live onstage with a full band and a dozen or so dancers all in color coordinated outfits. If I was one of her dancers I would lobby for more money to counteract the cheesy spandex pre teen outfits that each dancer was wearing. Wouldn't you hate to have to wear a bright yellow or lime green outfit that your neighborhood nine year old thinks is cool when you are probably 25 or 35? Hannah of course wore her blond wig and many bejeweled outfits. Her jeans sparkled, her tops - you name it she was sparkly. I thought that when she performed as Miley the brightness would be toned down but I was wrong and the sparkles were on full force for the whole concert. What kept running through my mind was who has a Bedazzler kit backstage and how can that person be stopped?

Though Hannah/Miley's fans were not treated to a full concert, she did sing what seemed to be about half her songs. I know this because I have a ten year old who plays her CD's over and over again so much so that I can sing along with most of her lyrics. Darn, that information took up space in my brain that could have been used for more useful items such as stock market predictions, boning up on Nostradamus' predictions, or painting by numbers. Nooooo, I so wanted to learn how to paint by numbers!

The concert footage was broken up by two performances by the above mentioned Jonas Brothers, who my daughter swears she does not have a crush on. Not yet anyway. By the number of girls screaming in high voices that dogs would probably start barking at, you would have thought that it was 1965 and the Beatles were playing a show. One kept ‘telling’ the Brothers to touch her hand and that she almost touched their butts. Wait a minute I could of sworn that we all were at a movie theater, watching a MOVIE? In fact, the movie and music was drowned out by the girls sitting behind us at the theater and their incessant screaming.

I was never a screamer and I used to have a crush on Corey Haim when I was 10 or Geoff Tate and Magnum PI when I was 12 (look them circa 1986 or 1988). Lucas or License to Drive anyone? They were such wonderful movies of the time and I enjoyed them. Not so much as an adult but they were great for what they were and I never tried to scream down a theater. Though I like to think if those girls are ever caught in a dangerous situation their lungs and vocal powers will be put to good use.

The girls at the theater were also scaring my 5 month old. Sadly, she was really enjoying the music. I guess she is being indoctrinated early to ‘wonderful’ pop music. She was very scared every time those girls opened their mouths; maybe my daughter will have some aversion to formulated music when she is older and never know the reason why.

The concert footage also had time backstage with Miley, Miley spending time with her parents, and fan footage featuring hyper girls and their excitement for Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. Seeing Miley without makeup dressed in normal everyday clothes was endearing and frankly was more interesting than seeing her perform. Her tribute to her grandfather or ‘pappy’ was sweet and broke out of the Disney cookie cutter mold. Thank goodness I was not watching something along the lines of High School Musical. If so this review would have been of the video games in the lobby or the book I had in my purse or the book I went to go buy at Barnes & Noble. That sort of movie really would have been torture.

Since I was not actually being tortured, just slightly annoyed I found that there were a few more sections of the movie that were interesting. I had no idea that Miley’s backstage team could fix her hair, makeup and wardrobe in 5 minutes when switching from Hannah to Miley. I also did not know that her mother and father go on tour with her and guide her. Though I do believe whomever is guiding Miley right now with her caked on makeup, mini skirts, and hooker heels needs to be replaced with a proper stylist whose goal isn’t to make a 15 year old look like she is 25. You hear that Miley, you are 15, could you try to look like a teenager? My 10 year old looks up to you. Thank god the movie was very innocent and Miley looked like a teenager. Therefore I did not have to make explanations to my daughter as to why her idol could possibly switch places with someone standing on a street corner.

Remember, you too may one day have to see a movie like Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus with your children. There are better movies and there are worse - a lot worse. I would suggest going to an early showing as to miss the screaming girls.


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